The journey from family to "relas"

I am taking time out from the Rwanda saga to fill this intermission with hopefully what will transpire to be anger management therapy, just by virtue of the fact that I have written it down and gotten it out of my system! Then I can calmly consider what to do about it all! And thanks to the 'Flatmate from Hell' ..... I found the perfect illustration of how I am feeling this beautiful first day of February 2006!

Side Note: I cannot afford a therapist just yet so you were volunteered as the next best thing.

A phrase overheard in a matatu "They are not my family, they are my 'relas'!" has never rang more true than it did for me these last few months. To non-kenyans, a 'rela' is simply a blood relation (can be microscopic and still count) who generally is unknown to you except for when they need something. Milo explains this better here!

Anyway, this week I have vowed NEVER to breed! Yes, this follows the very broody preceding months that I have bored half of you silly with. However - and I mean no offence to the male species - should the often inevitable happen and an 'oops' occur, I do NOT want a son!

I have been witness to the most abominable behaviour by certain individuals in various parts of this country leading me to the conclusion that money, sons, their illiterate mothers, and the materialistic daughter-in-law are not a good mix!

In December, I watched as a woman (in her early 70's) was widowed. This was awful enough. Her very own sons then proceeded to strip her of everything that her husband left her. She is currently trying to prove that the title deed to the home her and her husband shared for over 25 years, was in her name and not that of her husband to prevent eviction by the very same 'fruit' of her womb.

Prior to that, I watched as other sons tried to prevent their mother from being given power of attorney over her husband's affairs, after he developed a rare and accelerating form of alzheimers. She was in hospital at the time they filed their petition. They had apparently waited too long for their parents to die.

These soaps (and to be honest they watch as such!) aired again in the month of January, different actors, same story line as three more families tear each apart over money and property! As I write this post, the saga continues!

Needless to say it but IT INCENSES ME!

The common thread in all these situations (all in the space of 3 months!!!!) is that those seeking to disinherit their mothers are the sons, and those seeking to assist their mothers are the daughters. Secondly all Kikuyu - is that significant? ;-) I am still to read Blue's take on Kyuks. It may give me some desperately needed insight.

I have seen these women grapple with the fact that these are their sons and not know how to even begin to deal with it. Watched sons talk to their mothers as if they are insolent children who should apparently be grateful for the pittance that they are currently receiving from these same sons. Watched so called male older 'relas' tell these women to listen to their sons. Listened to the heartache that comes with accepting that your sons are duplicitous, conniving bastards who will stop at nothing, and I mean nothing, to get their hands on everything en route to dishonouring everything their parents ever stood for!

And that ladies and gentlemen, is how a person takes that journey, ceases to be your family and becomes a 'rela', for whether you like it or not, due to a cruel twist of fate, you share a genetic pool. However, I partially agree with Nick - once someone takes that inevitable journey, it is true you can't live with them, but I am darn sure you should be allowed to poison them!

OK, I feel better now! Thanks. Rwanda will be back very soon. Warning though - it is not pretty....